Friday, October 26, 2012

398. Blonde Cobra (1963)

Running Time: 34 minutes
Directed By: Ken Jacobs
Main Cast: Ken Jacobs, Jack Smith
Click here to view the entire film

"WHAT WENT WRONG?"

That's the final line in the film - "What went wrong?".  It's eerily similar to the question I would be asking Steven Jay Schneider and company, wondering why they'd feel the need to stick a "must see" label on such a waste of time.

I just don't get experimental films guys, that's all there is to it. I started this project to watch MOVIES, you know, the kind that have stories and acting. This has neither of those things and therefore, in my book, doesn't qualify as a movie. Furthermore, if it isn't a movie, it doesn't belong in the "1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die" book. I'm going to keep this very, very short and sweet. I've voiced my opinions in the past about my disdain for experimental pictures and "Blonde Cobra" falls under the same scrutiny. It stars Jack Smith, another experimental filmmaker and actually the director of the film (Jacobs apparently only edited the film. It was supposedly based on Smith's personal experiences and recollections and directed by him) and is divided up into three parts. For most of the film, we're staring at a black screen, listening to Smith tell stories about his childhood, his neglectful mother and his time at Catholic school. Here are a few "gold" pieces of dialogue you'll hear when/if you watch "Blonde Cobra"...


"Why shave when I can't even think of a reason for living?"

"I burnt the other little boy's penis with a match!"

"If money is the root of all evil, then give me the whole damn tree!"

I might be paraphrasing a couple of those, but you get the gist. It was horrible, awful, a task to get through and something that I will never watch again. Although, I'm a glass half full kind of guy and in trying to find the silver lining, the film did remind me of a song and lead me to watch this clip on YouTube. Now there's a movie!

RATING: 1/10  Did you expect anything else? I realize that wasn't really a review, but more of a bitch-fest, but hey...there was really no reviewing this steaming pile of garbage.

MOVIES WATCHED: 561
MOVIES LEFT TO WATCH: 440

October 26, 2012  3:23am

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