683. Blade Runner (1982)

Running Time: 119 minutes
Directed By: Ridley Scott
Written By: Hampton Fancher, David Webb Peoples, Roland Kibbee, from the novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick
Main Cast: Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer, Sean Young, Edward James Olmos, Daryl Hannah
Click here to view the trailer

SUCK-FI

Couple things: I'm about four page views away from hitting 400,000 page views, so thanks for that, even though a quarter of those are probably from myself. Also, I wanted to let everyone know to keep an eye to the blog, as I MAY be popping in sometime soon with a SINS OF OMISSION post, adding one or two or ten movies to my personal 1,000 list, perhaps...

Anyway...Blade Runner...ugh...

Let's tackle the plot and then I'll tell you how much I hated it and then we can both get on with our lives. If you're a fan of Blade Runner, maybe you want to stop reading now, because my review won't be favorable, I promise. So the plot is actually pretty straight forward and actually, on paper, sounds pretty good. So there's these four replicants, right - which is basically the same as saying there's these four robots, because that's pretty much what replicants are - robots passing themselves off as humans. How do you spot a replicant? Well you give it this test and ask it these questions and if it's a replicant it eventually freaks out and goes ape shit. Anyway, we're getting off base here: There's these four replicants who are on the loose and need to be brought to be retired (killed). The police come knocking of former police officer and number one replicant killer, Deckard (Ford). He resists at first, but eventually takes the gig and begins hunting down the robots. The four are: Leon, Zhora, Pris (Hannah) and their leader, Batty (Hauer). And actually, through the course of events, there comes to be a fifth that needs retired, Rachael (Young), whom Deckard has already formed an emotional attachment to, as she saves his life at one point. After that, I couldn't tell you what the hell was going on here, because I mentally checked out at about the one hour mark, as I'd had enough and knew this was something I really wasn't taking to. Beyond that point, I just started looking at the images and thinking how bad ass Daryl Hannah's career has been, as she was easily the most cool looking replicant - the black eyed Pris who nearly squeezed Harrison's Ford head off with her thighs all the while sporting a certified insane look on her face, plus she's played a mermaid and Elle Driver and probably a bunch of other cool stuff that I'm totally forgetting.

Should I start out by telling you about how much I detest Harrison Ford? Why? I don't really know, but man, I just can't stand the guy. Is it because I've seen him in interviews and think he comes off like a dick or is it something else? I honestly do not know, but I don't like Indiana Jones, I don't like Star Wars and honestly, I can't think of a single Harrison Ford movie that I even like, let alone "really like" or "love". Okay, The Fugitive was okay, but it didn't blow me away or anything. Fine, The Conversation was AMAZING, but certainly not because of his bit part. Anyway, I'm getting carried away here....

Anyone who didn't KNOW I wasn't going to like this, hasn't been paying attention. Since the inception of this blog, I've preached my dislike for the genre that is sci-fi and this is the king of all sci-fi movies and damn, I hated it. Okay, so maybe even I didn't KNOW I was going to dislike it. Hell, I dug 2001: A Space Odyssey and more recently, I liked District 9 enough. Actually I had high hopes for this considering it has such a cult following and considering it had fine actors such as Rutger Hauer and Daryl Hannah in it. I'd just seen Hauer in The Hitcher (great little horror movie) and I liked him quite a bit in Turkish Delight as well, last season. And honestly, the plot SOUNDED good. Ex-officer reenlisted to hunt down four/five robots and eliminate them. However, was it just me or did they get way off base? Like I said, I kind of checked out at a certain point, but things seemed to be really muddled and there seemed to be much more to the movie than just Ford hunting down the rogue replicants. Also why does every futuristic world look the same? Video screens in telephone booths, flying cars, all that bullshit. I realize this was like the start of that idea and Scott basically invented all this and it became the blueprint for all future sci-fi movies, but I'm judging it on it's own, against my personal tastes and I can't stand all that futuristic STUFF! Why couldn't Deckard and his replicants existed in a sort of 1950s, Robert Mitchum-ish world, without the flying cars and the giant LCD Coca-Cola ads. I think it would've been better to bring the film more down to Earth and give it a more realistic feel and then introduce these robots. But what do I know, I'm just a Joe sitting in his boxers, writing a review. I'm a geek behind a computer screen, so don't take my word for it, as Levar Burton would say.

If you liked this, good on you - I'm glad! I didn't and have no qualms about saying so. It had a disadvantage from the get go, being a sci-fi movie, a genre I don't like. I'm just glad I've seen it and it's over with and now I can move on. I don't have any really good reasons for not liking it, other than I just didn't like it. I felt like the plot was good, but literally EVERYTHING else about it ruined it from being as good as it could've been. I have a feeling the book is much better, as I feel like my imagination could do this film more justice than Ridley Scott could. Philip K. Dick died in 1982, so he never got to see the finished product. I really wonder what he'd have thought of this. Anyway, that's my two cents...

RATING: 2.5/10  I'll give it a few points, but that's a more than fair representation of my opinion of this movie. Sorry for blathering on and on and maybe not really saying much more than "I didn't like it", but that's how this movie left me feeling: with not much to say other than I DIDN'T LIKE IT!

MOVIES WATCHED: 926
MOVIES LEFT TO WATCH: 75

June 15, 2015  10:50am

646. ALIEN (1979)

Running Time: 116 minutes
Directed By: Ridley Scott
Written By: Dan O'Bannon, Ronald Shusett, Walter Hill
Main Cast: Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skerritt, Ian Holm, John Hurt, Harry Dean Stanton
Click here to view the trailer

IN SPACE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM

So I got a little side tracked last night and didn't make it back for any reviews, despite watching one movie. Nevertheless, I'm fully prepared to put in an overtime day today and still get this season wrapped up before night fall. Let's get to it.

I had only seen Alien once and it was many, many years ago, back during a time when my brother and I had made a pact to watch every single horror movie in alphabetical order from our local, "mom and pop" video store - Video 99. I don't believe we ever made it out of the A's, but we still saw a lot of cool stuff, including Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (not cool at all, actually), An American Werewolf in London (Paris too - not as good) and of course, the four Alien flicks. The film takes place aboard the Nostromo, a humongous commercial ship, traveling through space and making it's way back to Earth when a mysterious signal is picked up. It's the manifesto of the crew to research any alien signals, so they do. When they land on a planetoid, Captain Dallas (Skerritt), Kane (Hurt) and Lambert disembark their detachable space craft and discover a large, alien craft, which they enter to investigate. While there, an alien parasite attaches itself to Kane's face, wrapping a tentacle around his throat. Upon arrival back to the Nostromo, where Ripley (Weaver) denies them access back onto the ship, stating that it's protocol not to allow foreign bodies aboard for fear of putting everyone in danger. However, scientist Ash (Holm) opens the doors and the crew re-enters. They keep Kane stable despite the alien that's attached to it's face and after a little while, they find him upright, laughing as if nothing ever happened - apparently the thing decided to let go. During a late meal together, however, Kane begins to cough and before you know it an alien is bursting out of his stomach, complete with gnashing teeth and slimy appendages. It runs off and grows extremely quick, blossoming into a seven foot tall monster, with a massive cranium. As you'd expect, this does not bode well for the crew of the Nostromo....chaos commences.

SPOILER ALERT!

I wasn't planning to watch this yet, trying to save it for next season, but my wife wanted to check them both out so, of course, I caved. Anyway, this one was pretty great. I mean, what's not to like? Get a load of that cast huh? I didn't really remember anything about this movie, so when it was opening and I was reading all the names, I was starting to get really excited - Harry Dean Stanton (Yeah!), John Hurt (Sweet!) and Ian Holm (Score!). Not to mention, Tom Skerritt who is solid and Ms. Weaver who is also not bad (and might I add looks great in skimpy panties and white tee). According to THE BOOK she wanted to do the scene nude, but FOX forbade it (screw you FOX, what'd I ever do to you!). Speaking of the actors, let's talk about the characters, as apparently a prerequisite for getting a job on the Nostromo was having a cool name. Whatever happened to Captain Bill or Officer Sue? Instead we get named like Dallas, Ripley, Ash and Kane - maybe just a little something to remind you "it's only a movie, don't get too scared".

This is a space that is much darker, much gloomier than any space we've seen prior or since. If you watch films like Gravity or even 2001: A Space Odyssey, we see a much glossier space, maybe a movie that makes us all want to be a kid again and write an essay about wanting to be an astronaut for fourth grade. I'll go on record and say I do not want to be a spaceman in Ridley Scott's space, that's for sure. Not only because protocol will be breached and I'll end up fending off a massive alien with obvious angry self confidence issues about his misshapen cranium, but because this is just a dark, dank space that is scary even without the aliens. AND IAN HOLM WAS A ROBOT THE WHOLE TIME!? What a plot twist that was and one that I didn't see coming, despite having seen this before. The whole thing about him being an undercover agent that the agency sent up with the crew to ensure that they got an alien specimen was pretty genius and when he starts beating up Ripley and trying to shove a newspaper down her throat, I was flipping out - I say again, what a great twist.

Ridley Scott made this almost look like a found footage film, at times. The music is less pronounced than other Hollywood blockbusters and sometimes it's the silence that scores the really tense scenes, keeping us on edge, just knowing that something's gonna' pop out. And when it ends up being the fucking cat, I'm not even calling cheap thrill, because it works and it's cool and with an alien aboard the ship, you know the next thrill will be far from cheap. The plot is simple and very effective and I found this to be a film that would be hard to dislike. Sure, you could say, I just don't like horror or alien films, but really it's not THAT scary and falls more under the category of sci fi, I think. It's more of an Agatha Christie style murder mystery, where we already know who the killer is and we're just waiting to see who the survivor's gonna' be. Let's face it, Weaver wasn't a star by this point, so it could've just as easily been Veronica Cartwright running around at the end of the film in HER skimpy panties or God forbid, Yaphet Kotto (shudder). Granted, I'm not a sci fi fan, so I didn't go quite as fanboy for it as others probably did, but I'm just saying despite being very sci fi, it's much more than that. It's also probably the classiest, most well put together horror movie I've ever seen. This movie's shots and scenes look like they belong in a coffee table book about classic scenes in cinema, proving that Scott and crew were out for more than just a monster movie. My question is: Where do we go from here? I haven't seen Aliens in a long time either and I don't remember what it entails, but is Ripley really dumb enough to go back to space after this? We'll see...

RATING: 7.5/10  An '8' just seems too high, so I'm standing my ground on this one, but you watch, by tonight's TOP 20, I'll already be ready to call it an '8'.

MOVIES WATCHED: 898
MOVIES LEFT TO WATCH: 103

January 19, 2015  9:33pm

835. Thelma & Louise (1991)

Running Time: 129 minutes
Directed By: Ridley Scott
Written By: Callie Khouri
Main Cast: Susan Sarandon, Geena Davis, Harvey Keitel, Michael Madsen, Christopher McDonald
Click here to view the trailer

Note: Here's the deal guys: I am not a movie critic! I say this because 1) it's true and 2) because I think some people out there think that I'm here, on this blog, trying to be the second coming of Roger Ebert and that couldn't be further from the truth. The reason I say this is because I've recently gotten a couple of bitchy comments submitted, from people (or actually I think it's one person) who seems to be really taking my opinions or comprehensions of movies to heart. First of all, if you're such a destructive personality that you take the time to not only read something that you dislike, but then turn around and take the time to make a nasty comment about it, I pity you. Realize people that OPINIONS are not facts and that just because I don't like your favorite movie doesn't mean the world is going to end, I promise. I say I'm not movie critic because this was never meant to be anything professional. This blog was only ever meant to be a diary, for me personally, to track the movies that I watched so that maybe I could remember them a little better years from now and why I thought what I did. I think it's awesome that a few of you have taken that personal diary and made it mean a little more, by reading what I've written, by leaving comments and by, maybe, taking my suggestions. I like movies. I grew up in a world filled with video stores where you could go and you could look at a wall with hundreds of choices and pick the ones that appealed to you. I've worked in three video stores and I'm proud of my taste in film. SO...before I get too winded here: to the persons (or person) who saw fit to come and leave comments that I didn't even care to finish, I say this: Relax. Next time you want to leave a comment that doesn't add positive discussion to the blog and only serves the purpose of making you look like a jerk, don't. Because 1) They will not be published and 2) You won't change my opinion or my comprehension (or lack thereof) of a film. Of course, maybe I should be flattered. I mean, if you're going to get THAT upset over something I wrote, then maybe you really do value my opinion. Is there a "thank you" that I'm forgetting to dish out? Seriously people, it would be different if I was posting this stuff on IMDB or some other open forum, but you're coming to my little corner, my little home base on the internet and your asshole attitude won't be tolerated, nor will it impact what I write. Now then....

GUYS HAVE TERMINATOR, GIRLS HAVE THELMA & LOUISE

So my wife has been hounding me for LITERALLY years about when I was going to watch "Thelma & Louise". Every time she'd mention, I'd tell her we'd get and then it would slip my mind and it wouldn't come up again for a while. Well, last night I finally got around to sitting down with her and giving this one a go - and not for the first time.

I have a hard time believing you guys & girls haven't seen or at least heard of "Thelma & Louise", but I'm a stickler for a little plot detailing before I get into the opinion sections, so lets go over the meat & potatoes of T&L. First you'll need to know Susan Sarandon is Louise and Geena Davis is Thelma. The two are best girlfriends and the film kicks off on a Friday, when Louise plans to take Thelma for a weekend away in the mountains - an all girl, weekend getaway. Louise plans for Thelma to run the news by her overbearing, controlling husband, Darryl (McDonald), but knowing he'll forbid it, she decides to skip the permission talk and just jet with luggage in tow. On the road, the girls stop by a small town bar for a drink and a bathroom break and get henpecked by Harlan, a local yokel, redneck who wants to dance with Thelma. However, Harlan's fun doesn't end on the dance floor, as he sees Thelma to her car and tries to get a little frisky. When Thelma cuts him off at the pass, Harlan gets a little cross and a would be rape is cut short by a gun toting Louise. The girls get away, but when Harlan makes one last snide comment, Louise flies off the handle and blows him away, killing him. Now the two gals are on the run, with next to no cash and a lot of land between them and Mexico - which is where they plan to hideout.

Oh I suppose that should just about do it for plot synopsis. My wife had actually seen "Thelma & Louise" multiple times prior to last night's viewing and only wanted to watch it because she liked it so much. After her latest showing last night, she's actually lowered her opinion of the movie, citing it as "too long" and a "bit too boring". I can't say I disagree with her, as T&L could've benefited greatly had they somehow been able to shave off about thirty minutes or else beefed up the plot a little bit, to justify a running time of over two hours. At times, I got the feeling that we were just killing time until we got to the next hurdle and all the stuff with Brad Pitt (as good as he was) and the stuff with the obscene truck driver, just seemed tacked on to give the film a few more "hoot & holler" moments. On a more serious note though, what the hell happened to Geena Davis? She was decent here - I mean she was no Susan Sarandon, but she turned in a fine performance - and she was certainly attractive enough. It seems like she may have taken a wrong turn somewhere and fell off the face of the Earth. I suppose I could go to Wikipedia or IMDB and just look it up, but I find it more fun to ask it here and have (probably) no one answer me.

Anyway, the film isn't all bad, that's for sure. The cast choices, for the most part, aren't bad, as you've got Susan Sarandon becoming a hero to women everywhere and Christopher McDonald tearing it up in a supporting role. I'd say that Harvey Keitel may be the oddest cast choice, as he seemed to more resemble a fish out of water, as opposed to a "Thelma & Louise" cast member. He was just sort of there and perhaps just as confused as the audience as to why he was onset. I mean, I realize he was the cop and his role was important, but...I don't know, he just seemed miscast. Likewise for Michael Madsen. If you're watching this for the first or even the second time, it may hold up just fine and provide you with a perfectly enjoyable night at the movies. But beware, it doesn't hold up against multiple viewings and after about ninety minutes or so, you may be the one wanting to drive over the Grand Canyon.

RATING: 5.5/10  That's about as good as it gets for T&L. I really expected this one to hold up too and be a contender for the next TOP 20. Oh well...

MOVIES WATCHED: 763
MOVIES LEFT TO WATCH: 238

November 17, 2013  10:31pm

947. GLADIATOR (2000)

Running Time: 155 minutes
Directed By: Ridley Scott
Written By: David Franzoni, John Logan, William Nicholson
Main Cast: Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, Connie Nielsen, Oliver Reed, Derek Jacobi
Click here to view the trailer

GLADI-HATER

I'm watching things from the new side slightly out of order because my wife and I happened to both be off today and she wanted to watch this with me. I'd only seen "Gladiator" once before and I've never been as gaga over it as others apparently are. This viewing didn't do much to change that either.

The plot revolves entirely around Maximus Decimus Meridius (Crowe), a Roman general, who pledges his allegiance to Marcus Aurelius (Richard Harris), emperor of Rome. The film opens during the end of Rome's war with the barbarians, at Vindobona. Maximus successfully leads his men against the barbarians, with his famous battle cry to "unleash hell". Following the battle, Maximus has only one goal: to go home to his family (wife and son) and his farm and live a peaceful life. Before being granting his release, Marcus Aurelius tells Maximus that he's the son he never had and asks Maximus to take the throne when he relinquishes it. Maximus is hesitant, but it doesn't matter because when Aurelius breaks the news to his son, Commodus (Phoenix), he is so upset that he kills his father and assumes the throne. Having knowledge of his father's plans to appoint Maximus as new emperor, Commodus has Maximus removed from the city and killed. However, Maximus gets away, but not without injury. He rides toward home, but when he gets there he finds his family murdered. He is then captured and sold to a gladiator trainer, where he must fight for his life in dingy arenas, alongside other slaves and makeshift warriors. When Commodus announces his intention to hold gladiator games, Maximus sees his chance at revenge, realizing that his chance to come face to face with the man responsible for his family's murder is upon him.

SPOILER ALERT!

You know, I really wanted to like this movie. With yesterday's glowing review and 100% acceptance of another epic, action-adventure movie ("Apocalypto"), I thought that maybe "Gladiator" had a chance to get into my good graces. I won't totally bash it, because there are aspects of it that were quite good. Mostly the aesthetical elements: set pieces, costumes, glorious camerawork. Furthermore, you also have Joaquin Phoenix in their pouring his heart out and further making a name for himself and the supporting cast was all fine too, I guess. However, the majority of this review will probably be a negative one, so if you're a fan, it's nothing personal. 

For starters, I hate Russell Crowe. I just don't see talent in him and any movie of his that I have liked, it's most likely not been because of him. Okay, maybe "hate" is a strong word, but I just don't care for the guy. In "Gladiator" there were far too many cheesecake shots of him and at times, the film came off simply as fodder for the women in the audience; giving them something to gawk at and dream about. Also, he just has this air of cockiness about him, that just isn't appealing. My other major criticism is the extreme length and lack of story to back up such an extended running time. You've got a movie that's twenty minutes shy of being three hours and what have you got: Maximus is general, Maximus is exiled, Maximus is gladiator, Maximus is vengeful, Maximus is dead. The end. When you hand me a film called "Gladiator", I expect there to be a prevalent use of battle scenes, and while there was, I think the feeble story really bogged them down and ultimately buried them. Speaking of the gladiator/battle scenes, those were good too and the sight of the Roman Coliseum, filled with spectators was a nice sight to behold.

Ultimately, this is yet another film to add to the "not for me" pile. If you're a fan, I have nothing against your opinion and honestly, I can understand why this film has so many fans. It's something that IS going to appeal to the majority of audiences. However, it didn't work for me. At times, it just came off as a desperate attempt to create a "Spartacus" for the 21st Century and we all know how I felt about that movie. If you're not into this kind of thing, but trying to watch it anyway (perhaps, for you BOOK doers), then drink a few Red Bull's beforehand, because "Gladiator" has that unique ability to bore it's unwilling viewers into the lulls of sleep.

RATING: 5.5/10  Like I said, not all bad and if you're a lover of great visuals, then you'll go ape for this. If you like good stories and movies that DON'T make you snooze, then take a pass.

MOVIES WATCHED: 671
MOVIES LEFT TO WATCH: 330

April 29, 2013  3:17pm